Our lives are full of different relationships: parents and children, bosses and employees, or brothers and sisters. These relationships bring us our greatest happiness, but they are also the reason we feel sad or upset.

The irony is that we are often hurt most by the people we love the most. We love our children deeply. But when was the time we felt most upset in our life? It was probably because of our children. And how much do we love our spouses? Yet, the very people who upset us the most are often our own husbands and wives. From a child’s perspective, they dearly love their mom and dad, but they also feel hurt and painful because of them. Even after receiving grace and feeling full of joy at church, many of us lose that joy as soon as we get home. Because of family conflicts or arguments, we fall back into sadness without even a moment to enjoy that peace. Some people find the weight of these relationships so hard to bear that they even have suicidal thoughts. Others develop illnesses from all that stress. I heard a doctor say that most cancer patients experienced extreme stress about four or five years before their diagnosis. As I’ve counseled people, I found this to be very true. For example, a wife might suffer terribly because of her husband. In that case, who develops cancer? It is often not the husband who drinks and causes trouble, but the wife who suffers through it. She holds all that pain and sorrow in her heart until it finally becomes a disease.

In this way, relationships can make us happy, sad, or even lead us to despair. But we came to church and met God. After we meet Him, a change begins in all of those relationships. It isn’t just that we met God; by meeting Him, amazing changes take place in our relationships with everyone else. Before, when we met people, we mostly wanted to receive love and be understood by them. But after meeting Jesus Christ, we don’t have those expectations as much. Instead, just as I was a sinner who needed God, I begin to understand that others are also sinners. You realize, “Just as I am desperate for love, that person is also in need of love.” Even with our parents—we are used to only receiving from them, aren’t we? But parents also need our sympathy. They need love, too. Even the senior officer who used to give me a hard time needs love. He is a sinner, too. That is how I can truly understand them.

However, even if we are usually understanding, we find that we don’t have the capacity to be that way when we are personally struggling. Because we are going through such a hard time, we lose the strength to even be rational. But in those moments, God teaches us something, and it can bring an amazing change to our relationships. I would like to share a personal testimony of mine regarding this.

I got married right after I graduated from university. I met Jesus during my final years of college and decided to marry shortly after graduation. I had a girlfriend whom I had been dating for a long time. We decided to marry quickly because we believed it would benefit our faith and help us stay focused on our life at church. So we were in the middle of preparing for our wedding, but just a few months before the big day, a conflict broke out. As is often the case, it started over something small. But as we kept arguing back and forth, it grew into something much bigger because we had no room in our hearts. When we argued in person, I could try to stay calm, and sometimes just holding her hand would melt the tension. If I could see her face and smile, the issue would be easily resolved. But the problem was when we spoke over the phone. Back then, we didn’t have mobile phones; everyone just had a single landline at home.

It was late at night. We were talking when an argument broke out, and it became much more serious than I expected. It wasn’t about something small; we were discussing our future, but we couldn’t agree. Eventually, we started saying harsh words to each other. I was so upset that I thought, “How can you say that to me?” and I just started saying whatever came to my mind. That made it even more painful. I knew I was doing the wrong thing the moment I said it, but I was so angry that the words just came out. I was upset at myself, but then she responded with even harsher words. Everything got worse and worse. In the end, she was so angry that she just hung up the phone. It was already past 11 p.m., and since the phone was in her parents’ room, I couldn’t call her back. Even though we both argued, I was sure it was all her fault. We were talking about our life together, and I thought, “If she acts like this, how can we ever live together?” I was angry, but at the same time, I hated myself. I felt so worried about the future that all the strength left my body. My heart was so heavy that I didn’t even have the energy to move. It was as if all the life had been drained out of me.

What should we do at a time like that? We should pray, right? But sometimes, we don’t even have the strength to pray. When our hearts are completely empty, the words just won’t come out. If someone had told me then, “Just pray,” it would have made me angry. Because I simply had no strength to pray. In those moments, I should be able to call out, “Father God!” But I didn’t even have the courage to call His name. My heart was so weak. I couldn’t say a single word to Him because I hated myself so much and the situation felt so hopeless.

But there is something I am thankful for. God has given us a wonderful gift, and that is speaking in tongues. With tongues, we don’t have to think about what to say. It is a prayer of the spirit that people cannot understand. It is our flesh helping our spirit speak to God about our deepest secrets. So, I began to pray in tongues. This is a gift God gives to those who receive the Holy Spirit. Even though I didn’t understand what I was saying, I kept praying so that my spirit could talk to God. At first, my prayer had no strength because I was so disheartened. My prayer was a mere whisper. But as I continued, it began to grow stronger. After about ten minutes, strength returned to my heart, and I was finally able to pray in words, saying, “Father God, please help me!”

While I was praying, “Please help me!” the words from Matthew chapter 7 suddenly flashed through my mind. I remembered it says, “Do not judge.” The verse just came to me. So, I opened my Bible to that chapter. “Judge not, that you be not judged. For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged.” I accepted those words. I thought, “That’s right. Who am I to judge her? I will be judged in the same way.” So, I made up my mind not to judge and confessed this to God.

Still, a part of my heart was full of worry and anxiety. So I prayed again. “If I don’t judge her, she will just stay the way she is. If she continues to act like that after we get married, what will I do? I don’t have the confidence to keep accepting that kind of attitude.” Then I kept reading further down. In the same chapter, it says, “Ask! Seek! Knock!” The Lord told us that if we want something, we should ask for it. Seek and knock, and we will receive it.

We often make the mistake of thinking that if we want something to change, we must tell the person or force them to do it. But in many cases, it doesn’t work that way. You may try to change your children by talking to them, but it doesn’t always work. In fact, it might even push them away. But God’s way is different. He teaches us that if we truly want someone to change, we must pray. So I prayed, “God, please change my girlfriend! Change her to be more sound and whole.” After that, my heart felt even stronger, and I felt a new sense of courage.

I believed that God would change her, but what was I supposed to do? How should I act when I meet her? Should I tell her that I prayed for her? What should I do?

As I kept reading further down, I saw it written: “Treat others as you want to be treated.” I realized, “Ah, that’s it! God wants me to treat others first the way I want to be treated. That is the essence of the Law and the Prophets! This is exactly what God wants to say to us sinners!” Then I thought to myself, “So, how do I want to be treated?” At that moment, I knew exactly what I wanted. I wanted my girlfriend to call me right away and say, “I’m sorry.” But who should be the one to do that first? Since the Word said to treat others as I want to be treated, I thought, “I have to be the one. I need to have the courage.” When I was ready to fight, I had no courage, but once I decided to apologize first, I felt brave. I told myself, “Even if her parents answer the phone, I will ask to speak with her.” Just as I finished my prayer and picked up the phone to call her, it rang.

I was going to call and say, “I’m sorry. It was my fault.” But at the exact moment I reached for the phone, it rang, and my heart began to pound. I thought, “Could it be?” I picked up the receiver and put it to my ear. Before I could even say, “Hello?” do you know what I heard? “I’m sorry. It was my fault.” My heart stopped. Those were the exact words I was about to say. Every single word was identical to what I had prepared in my heart.

It was such an amazing experience. This happened not long after I started my life of faith, and it gave me tremendous courage and confidence. I realized, “God’s Word is so delicate and faithful, and His promises are so clear!” When I obeyed what God taught me, I received a result that was even better than what I had hoped for. After hearing her say those words, I replied, “No, I’m the one who is sorry.” I was so moved that I believe I cried. I wasn’t just crying because I was happy to hear her apology; I wept because I was so overcome with joy that God had heard my prayer and was truly with me.

If it had been just the two of us in that relationship, it would have ended a long time ago. But at every moment of crisis, God intervened and guided us, making our relationship beautiful. I had been dating her for seven years, starting from before I became a believer. It was through her evangelism that I met Jesus, and we got married right after graduation. We have been together ever since, and it has now been about 20 years since we got married.

People in the world say that the joy of a relationship disappears quickly once the initial excitement is gone. But that is only the story of those who do not know God. For those of us who know Him, loving and truly knowing another person is a source of great joy. Through that person, we can experience God’s love and the comfort He gives us because He is involved in every one of our relationships. We can experience true care, deep affection, and genuine forgiveness. By now, we may know each other’s weaknesses very well. However, through a person who embraces even those weaknesses, we can truly understand the love of God.

Because God has intervened in our lives this way, all the relationships around us are made new. It is the same with our children and even with our supervisors at work. In God, everything is new. Every relationship becomes a new relationship, because the nature of our relationship with God itself is now something entirely new.

When you meet God here at church, it is not just about having a religion. Instead, you are starting a new relationship with the living, Almighty God—the One who is Life—whom you have never known before. Within that relationship, you will also find that your relationships with everyone else are made new. I pray in the name of Jesus that you will fully experience God’s happiness and joy through these new relationships.

Father God, thank You for sending us Your Son Jesus Christ through whom we can meet You face to face and share our love. Also thank You, for in Jesus Christ all of our relationships with other people in this world have become beautiful and wonderful relationships unlike before. Help everyone here to get to enjoy such joyful and happy relationships! In Jesus’ name. Amen!